I've been thinking a lot about a lot of stuff lately and today I've decided to wax a little, well...ridiculous, I guess. I was going to say poetic but I'm not really that and I know I'm going to head in the direction of cheesy. Anyway, you've been warned.

I'm sure that anyone who cares has heard about Dave Chappelle . I was at Snap's place one Saturday night and we were really stoned and watching Chappelle's Show reruns and, of course, having the best time. And I started to try to explain to her why I liked him so much. I knew it would come out all garbled (and I thought she might laugh at me for being so sappy) so I stopped talking and just let my mind run with it and was satisfied that at least I knew what I meant. Most people, when they're high, they aren't different people just a more intense version of themselves. This is true of me. I get really drawn into squeezing every bit of analysis and examination that I can out of every thought. And so it was with analyzing Chappelle's appeal for me.

I have never really ever felt a connection to an artist of any kind. I mean, I love me some Springsteen but it's more because I admire his artistry and beauty and poetry (and ass) than a feeling that he speaks for me. I always remember this crazy quote I read by Eddie Vedder years and years ago. He was talking about his fans and how devoted people were to his music but to him, personally, as well. They heard his perceptive lyrics and figured he knew them inside out. And he said something like, "I have to say to them 'No, I'm NOT the voice in your head.'" I was totally taken aback. I just couldn't imagine feeling that way about any kind of artist or art. That someone speaks what I feel or that someone knows exactly how I feel. I know a lot of art has helped people to feel as if they aren't alone in the world or that they aren't freaks or something. And I think that's terrific and I think that's the most important reason to have art. But I just sort of understood it academically. Until now.

I feel like Dave Chappelle speaks for me. And it's not just because he's so far to the left. It's the combination of everything. He's got the laid back weed thing going on, he's cute but not used-to-girls-falling-all-over-him-hot, he crosses lines constantly, he totally seems like he's having so much fun all the time, but most of all it's his amazing popularity. He does all this crazy shit and people love him for it. (Although I think there's a cache of racists/sexists out there who watch his show because it's one of the only mainstream places that they can see their beliefs acted out and it's not only okay, but funny. The sketch with the black KKK member, anyone?) He gets it all out there where people can see it and I really think he's helped people in this country see that this country is still completely racist (he's a little slower on the sexism thing, but hey, he's got time). He is absolutely my favorite performer because he's the most complete, as far as I'm concerned. I'm not going to get all gooey and say he's perfect or anything, but as a contributor to pop culture, well, he's damn close.

So this was my line of thinking this one Saturday night, albeit the whole discussion in my head took about 4 times longer and was way more over the top and filled to the brim with superlatives than the previous paragraphs (if you can imagine it). So when Snap had to look up something on the internet that we couldn't remember, imagine my shock when I read the early headline Dave Chappelle in Mental Health Facility. I freaked out. I was like, "It's because of people like me, who think that he's the voice in our heads! We drove him crazy!" Now, like I said, I was completely blitzed at this stage so I was being, you know, a little dramatic. At least I didn't yell that out or anything. Again, thank goddess, it was all contained in my head. But even as the story unfolded over the next few days, that still seemed to me to be what the problem was. And it's not out of the realm of possibility. I don't think he's going to go all Syd Barrett or Brian Wilson on us, because weed is hardly a hallucinogenic, but he is under a tremendous amount of pressure. I mean, his expectations of himself are going to be the most important driving force behind the work. But I think at least part of the reason his own expectations are so high is because he still wants us to think he's cutting edge, as well as funny. I really think he feels obligated to put on a third season that lives up to the first two; in our minds as well as his own.

Of course, 'third season' is still a concept rather than a reality. But I've got a candle in the window. I think he'll come home.