Could I possibly have just one situation in my life in which I do not have to tip toe around someone's damn feelings and be wary of constant mood swings? I've had to do it every day of my life that I've lived with my father, but do I seriously need this shit at work, too? No, I fucking don't. I am just sick and fucking tired of my fucking boss. She is this overgrown brat who is manipulative, whiny, rude, and completely self-absorbed. I have never met such a drama queen in my life. Everything is a fucking crisis, everything causes her to (literally) throw her hands up in the air and pronounce the impossibility of it all. Not a day goes by in which she isn't in a bad mood at some point. She is never, ever polite. She is dismissive and superior and I would like to slap her across the face at least ten times a day. At least. She plays people against each other, and she could teach the FBI about keeping secrets - we are on a strictly need-to-know basis for every damn thing. WE ARE THE ADMIN STAFF!!! I don't fucking work at the Department of Defense, for god's sake. She's constantly whispering and shutting office doors and taking people into the conference room. She is petty and vindictive and takes everything personally. And she thinks she's the fucking greatest manager to ever walk into an office. Ever. She is constantly droning on (in REALLY annoying voice) about what's appropriate and inappropriate and what's professional and what's unprofessional and I just gape at her complete and utter gall. She wouldn't know if she was acting inappropriately if she was dancing naked at a presidential funeral (not Bill Clinton's). She actually got onto me one day for calling a restaurant for my dad's birthday party. I was on the phone for, at the very most, 10 minutes. I know the most intimate details of her house selling/home buying debacle that went on (and on and on) for months because she spoke loudly (and rudely) on her office phone to everyone from her roommate to her contractor to her realtor (who she kept fucking calling her "realitor" - I almost killed her with my hands), like all day, every day. But my phone call was "something I should try not to do during business hours."

I don't know what annoys me more, her unprofessionalism or the perverse pride she takes in it. She considers herself a little left of center. She was raised in Manhattan and is a "theatre person." She has gay friends and has been married three times. I think she thinks this qualifies her as "kooky." I keep wanting to shake her while yelling, "You know, "wacky" red hair and a startlingly yellow compact car do not an inconoclast make!" Or something. Because she is sexist, probably racist, and is not tolerant of anything outside of the ordinary. She gives me weird looks if I wear green nail polish, but brags about how "strange" she is. Like, leopard spot wallpaper? Is not crazy and groovy. It's just bad taste. And who brags about how "no one else would do this except me" when they are 50-something? I was like that in junior high. Junior high, people! And despite her superiority complex, she is completely insecure. She is constantly needing reassurance from us, the owner, everyone. It's so pathetic. She's got to be constantly reassured that she is totally necessary, that no one else could do her job, and that everyone needs her all the time.

Her son is remarkably well-adjusted despite her, although he does seem to have an unnatural hero-worship for her. Which probably has something to do with how she describes their relationship: she brags that they are still attached by the umbilical cord. Ew. He's 22! Just...no. She's is willfully non-political, despite the efforts of her son. I bet she doesn't even vote. She just doesn't care about anyone but herself. Even her "dedication" to this job, such as it is, is only based on her crush on the owner. She fawns over him like a 15 year old with her first boyfriend. "Is he mad at me? Why didn't he answer this email?" and on and on and on. Not to mention that if she ever does anything above and beyond the call, she has to tell everyone within a mile exactly what and how much. Repeatedly. She's the biggest fucking martyr. She's never gracious, never admits she's wrong, always sees everything anyone else does in relation to herself. Whatever anyone else does or says, it either helps her, harms her or gives her cause to complain. I especially love it when she says, "You look like you lost weight. I hate you." That there breeds loyalty and warmth. Can't you just feel the love? I know everyone complains about their boss and I'll be fired if she ever Googles me but I just needed to get that off my chest.