I am leaving to drive to Texas in 8 days. I am driving to Texas with my mother so that we can go on a Mexican cruise in 10 days. I'm woefully unprepared for this but I'm so happy that I'm going on vacation and won't be at work, or even have to talk to anyone if I don't want to, that I don't care about being unprepared. I don't care! I've made such strides away from being neurotic freak out girl! I'm so proud of me!

I just read something that Bette Midler said on Larry King a few months ago about how being promiscuous is "part of the fun of being a gay man." Obviously this is a broad and stereotypical statement. But the thing that bothers me about it, aside from the fact that Divine Miss M is Divine Miss M because of gay men, is that it encapsulates most of the conservative thinking about gay guys. First of all, they sleep around because that's just what the gays do and we can't hold them responsible for it - it's not their fault, they just aren't capable of a committed relationship. Which is the kind of thing that bigots always say about people they are trying to denigrate. They come up with a way that the other is beneath them (like blacks, women, etc., etc.). But the thing that gets me is that bigots who hate gay people really really resent that the gays are trying to 'better themselves.' The bible thumpers are just incensed that the gays are trying to do something respectable, like get married. The perverts should stay perverted! None of this fine, upstanding behavior like marriage, kids, house for those sick bastards! Because it's so much easier to hate people that you can portray as slutty, disease-spreading, depraved, drug-addicted nymphomaniacs. It's like gay people aren't playing by the rules by wanting the same kinds of things that Pat Robertson thinks are a-okay. I think it's kind of funny. Because you can just hear the bigots just fuming at the idea that they actually have something in common with the gays. Well, I did until those creepy bastards decided to try to outlaw gay relationships. That's just too fucking far.

I have always been the only person, girl or guy, that I know who likes Courtney Love. I like Hole's music a lot and I really have always liked her public persona. She's not flawless and she doesn't apologize. She's like Madonna without the slick PR. I think she's had a lot of problems and that she's put up with a lot of shit. Drug use/abuse doesn't bother me. Swearing, bad makeup, rudeness, and her getting all up in people's faces? Fine with me. I worry about her little girl from time to time but if I were Courtney and people kept accusing me of killing my husband and talking about how much they hated me, well, I'd do a few drugs too. People want her to be perfect all the time and pretty all the time and she's not. No one is. And no one ever talks about her records when they talk about her. Or even the really good movies she's made. Of course, everyone is vilified in the press for even having a hangnail these days. But I think she's a survivor and that half of the shit heaped on her has to do with her being a woman and the other half has to do with her not being a nice girl and trying to make everyone like her. I always go back to Robert Downey, Jr. If a woman had been responsible for even half of the shit he's done (repeated arrests, parole violations, delaying movie shoots, etc.) she'd be back in her hometown, behind the counter at the local Walgreens. I do believe that, especially because actresses are labeled 'difficult' just for wanting input into their roles. And whenever people talk about Scott Weiland, it is always with sympathy, or at least pity. And how many times has that guy fucked up? Not that I don't think either guy should get second (or third or fourth) chances, I just think that Courney, or any other woman, should get the same courtesy.

I had a bizarre dream about my nephew last night. Suffice to say, it would never happen in real life.

I hate my job and am thinking about changing jobs soon. Wish me luck!