So I'm having attitude regarding my musical tastes. For years I have thought that "taste" is not something I really have. I don't have good taste, I don't have bad taste; I just have no taste. I like most things and there doesn't seem to be any reason why. Now, I can't countenance Michael Bolton but it is not because of the songs really-I just can't stand his voice. And Britney Spears' persona offends me more than her actual songs do; in fact I can safely say I have never listened to a Britney song all the way through. At least to my knowledge. So there are people I don't like and songs I don't like but I'm pretty much open to trying out most anything...well, once anyway. The thing is, I have embraced my questionable taste at long last. I mock my intense fan relationship with New Kids On The Block 'cause, let's be honest, I went a little kooky there with the t-shirts and magazines and, like 8 concerts. But I can still enjoy the songs. Lord knows I still know all the words. What I liked about them then, I like about them now. I go on about how I have irony now and I try to be all camp about why I like certain shit. But the truth is (most of the time), when I'm on my own, I truly enjoy most of the music I profess to 'like because it's so bad.' I admit it. I mean, irony or no, I still spent hard-earned money on The Carpenters' Greatest Hits, every single Madonna CD, and Mariah Carey's Greatest Hits. ABBA are camp when they're on the soundtrack to Priscilla, Queen of the Desert, not when their greatest hits are permanently on rotation in your 3-disc CD player and Fernando makes you cry. Know that, even after having admitted all of this, I do actually have a vague sense of when something is good or bad; it just doesn't matter to me as far as enjoyment goes.

This is all a long way around to explaining the concert I went to on Friday night. Namely, Bon Jovi. Apparently, they have a new record out. Oops. Seriously, I didn't know that. But it didn't matter because I was going to rock out with Jon and Richie and Tico and David and the bass player guy who they don't even put on the t-shirt! And poor David Bryan. Someone should just tell him to shave his head. Anyway, it has been pointed out to me on more than one occasion that Bon Jovi sucks. Now, obviously I don't agree with that assessment because I love them very, very much. But I also know they aren't musical caviar. They are musical Cheetos. And I fuckin' love Cheetos. I'm absolutely not apologizing for loving them as I do. But I also know that the lyrics to "Always" make me cringe and always will. But that doesn't diminish the love for "Livin' On A Prayer," "Bad Medicine," and countless others that have simply made my life a better place for me to be. I have bought New Jersey twice because my first copy was a cassette that literally fell apart. The two sides of the tape just came apart in my hands one day. Maybe I played it too much. So I bought the CD. And I have the cassette and CD of Slippery When Wet.

There is just not much out there that I would pay to hear live; not these days. I mean, I've bought two Nelly CDs but I have no desire to see him live (now that I've gotten over the whole I-really-need-to-fuck-Nelly phase I went through). Pretty much Madonna, Springsteen and Bon Jovi are the only mainstream stadium fillers I would go to see. I guess my rock concert sensibilities are stuck in the '80s but anyone else I would want to see either doesn't really tour anymore or is dead. Anyway, here's how I found the Bon Jovi show at Landsdowne Road on Friday.

I didn't know who was opening for them so I was happily surprised to find out it was Live. Yeah, I know! It was sensitive early-'90s grunge rockers Live. And let me tell you how bone-headed I felt when it took me about three and a half songs to realize who they were. I should be forgiven because, like, what the fuck was Live doing opening for Bon Jovi?? They're like, good. And Bon Jovi is like the anti-grunge. Actually the thought process I went through to figure out who the band was was amusing and interesting but probably only to me so I will mercifully not include it here. So about five songs in came "Selling the Drama" and then my suspicions were confirmed. I was so just, well, surprised I guess. They have a new record out too and I still don't get what they were doing opening for Bon Jovi. But they sang "I Alone" and "Lightning Crashes" so I was a very happy woman. And I want to sleep with Ed Kowalczyk. But that's not really surprising. My sister made some snide remark many moons ago regarding my penchant for lusting after anyone I saw live. She snarked that I would probably even wanna fuck Steven Tyler if I ever saw Aerosmith. Now, I thought that was going too far. 'Cause, like, no one has ever wanted to sleep with Steven Tyler ever. Except Liv Tyler's mom and I'm betting that, it being the '70s drug-hazed world of rock'n'roll and all, she thought she was under someone else. Well, imagine my surprise when, after witnessing an Aerosmith concert when I was 16, I fell hard for Mr. Tyler. It only lasted a few weeks but my sister's hypothesis has proved true on just about every other occasion, I'm afraid. But Ed Kowalczyk was all short and skinny and bald and bouncing all over the stage like he owned it and looked good in his jeans and he totally reminded me of Colin Farrell. I just looked at a picture of his face on the Internet and now he totally makes me think of Colin. His energy is really what sucked me in (and the looking good in his jeans, but whatever). I'm really excited I got to see them in person.

Onto The Jovi (Someone called them that in a magazine article. Heh.) Of course, they rocked. The concert was really good but it wasn't one of my better concert going experiences. A lot of this had to do with the venue. I don't know if it was just Landsdowne Road or what but when Jon was doing his crowd banter thing, I couldn't understand a thing he said. I was in the side bleachers in the last row. The overhang from the next level of bleachers was like right over my head. I couldn't even raise my hands all the way without banging them on the ceiling. And I am pretty short. I don't know if this cement annoyance had anything to do with the acoustics or whatever 'cause I am ignorant of such things, but, hell, I could barely understand the words when I knew what was coming. I was frankly bored during the ones I didn't know because I couldn't just listen politely to see if they were new classics. So basically I just know if they rocked or not, and know of no specific lyrical genius/embarrassment. The setlist is as follows:

Bounce / You Give Love A Bad Name / Wild In the Streets / Livin' On A Prayer / Runaway / Keep the Faith (Sympathy For the Devil) / Everyday / In These Arms / It's My Life / Diamond Ring / Bed of Roses / Wanted Dead Or Alive / Someday I'll Be Saturday Night / Just Older / I'll Be There For You / Misunderstood / Undivided / Born To Be My Baby / I'll Sleep When I'm Dead (Dancin' In the Streets & Rockin' All Over the World) / Raise Your Hands

Encore: Captain Crash & the Beauty Queen From Mars / Bad Medicine (Shout) / These Days / Twist & Shout

Now, I was pretty surprised they launched right into those three from Slippery When Wet but I wasn't complaining. Especially since Wild In The Streets is one of the funnest songs ever. And apparently I was like the only person there who had ever heard it before. It was cute, though, that a lot of the people there were new fans. Not only will Bon Jovi live forever (YEAH!!), but the newbies get to discover their backlog. Aw. Now, I am one of those people who knows how much they don't know. I profess no expertise in any music category at all so it's not easy to make me feel stupid when it comes to music. Ignorance is just not knowing; stupid is not knowing when you should. So they bust into Dancing in the Streets which of course, I know and love because Martha and the Vandellas rule. Then they morphed into Rockin' All Over the World and the shame sets in. Not only do I not know the words, I don't believe I have ever heard or heard of this song before in my sad, pathetic life. Okay, that was a bit of an exaggeration but everyone else in the place is screaming along and I'm looking around in bewilderment. I have to say, it's still bothering me, more than 24 hours later. Especially since it was totally a really fun song to sing along with. *sigh* I found out on the internet that it's a John Fogerty song from the '70s that Status Quo covered. And I don't even know who Status Quo is. I'm assuming it's their version that most of the people in the audience were familiar with since I doubt John Fogerty has a huge European following. But I'm probably wrong about that too. Ugh. Don't worry, I'll get over it.

The most annoying thing about the night was (again nothing to do with the band) that the west end of the bleachers apparently contains some special cordoned off seats where rich and/or famous people sit to enjoy the show. And since the Special Olympics are here and the opening ceremonies were this evening, a Kennedy was in town. This particular Kennedy is married to Arnold Schwarzenegger and they both showed up at the concert. It was bizarre seeing Arnold in person. He looked exactly like he does in movies. Very tan; big teeth. And Maria Shriver is much prettier in person. I don't get why TV cameras make her look so bad. Ronan "I'm so much cooler than you think" Keating also made an appearance. He was in Boyzone which was Ireland's answer to the Backstreet Boys and *NSYNC but I have to say, I don't think anyone really asked Ireland that question. He's embarking on a solo career now and apparently that includes having a big, black, bald bodyguard to give him street cred or something. I have to say, I figured this would be, by far, the whitest event I'd ever attended, because at least with The E Street Band, even in Dublin, you are guaranteed at least one big ass good-lookin' black man with Clarence Clemons in the house. But Ronan's bodyguard guy fit the bill for the Bon Jovi concert. Mmm mmm good. But I digress.

The thing was, once people saw Arnold, they stopped paying attention to the concert. And it's hard to get into a song when no one around you is even remotely interested. I mean, that's why me and my sister and my sister-in-law moved at the last Bon Jovi concert. We were on the lawn surrounded by people sitting down, who apparently just came for the beer. We moved on and found my brother and his really drunk friends and had a blast, screaming along to all our favorites. It's just really distracting trying to rock out to Someday I'll Be Saturday Night when everyone else is craning their neck in the opposite direction to look at Ronan. Especially since most of the people in this country claim that they can't stand him. How and ever. Arnold left not long after he appeared and Ronan finally sat his ass down and we all resumed worshipping at the altar of Jon. And that man is still so. Damn. Hot. And he knows it and he knows we love it and I don't care. One of the concert shirts even had a picture of just him with his shirt all open and shit. Whatever keeps him cultivating a six-pack and waxing his chest is fine with me 'cause I like looking at him, okay?

All in all it was a good show, annoying venue problems notwithstanding. A lot of Slippery When Wet, which is always a good thing. But not enough New Jersey in my opinion. Now, I only bought Crush for It's My Life and have since sold it when I was strapped for cash; but Captain Crash and the Beauty Queen from Mars is one of their best songs in years. Before that, Crossroads (the greatest hits collection) was the last Bon Jovi purchase I made. I know practically no songs from the '90s or '00s. Like I said before I didn't know they even had a new CD out, but I had heard that Misunderstood song but I hated the video so much I didn't hear it a lot. So I didn't know a good number of the songs but that was okay 'cause they played everything they were supposed to...except Lay Your Hands On Me. There is really no excuse for leaving that one out. They didn't play one of the songs I don't like so it's not like they could have substituted but they could have played one more song, don'cha think? I do.