It's nice and sunny out today but not too warm or anything. Basically a perfect Midwestern fall day. And I was thinking that maybe I should go outside. I was thinking of going for a walk or just maybe hanging out on the deck. I'm still a woman of leisure since everyone is still fucking me over. So why not? Well, to be honest, I just really don't want to. See, the thing is I don't like outside. I don't know if it's because I associate the outdoors with physical exercise or bee stings or what. I remember when I was a kid my mom was always telling us that we shouldn't "stay cooped up" when the weather was nice or that we should "get out and get some fresh air." But, like, why? It's probably too cold/hot out to be comfortable. I get hit with balls all the time, usually in my head. And while I don't usually freak out about bugs, I don't want them in my face and my hair and shit. I suppose I used to like playing outside when I was little, but I'm so over it now. Sports? No thank you. Sitting in grass? It's usually wet and nasty. Why sit outside when all the comfortable things to sit on are inside? I mean, really. I like sunshine but I like thunder storms too. I got sunburned in Florida but that's only because my skin hadn't seen the daylight in years. I didn't spend more than two hours outside on any given day. It was hot and it hurt my skin. And my eyes. And I couldn't read. I really don't see the appeal. Mosquitoes and dog shit. People's kids and dogs. These are things I just don't want to encounter.

Most of the people I know in Ireland love spending time outside. I think this is because, most of the time, they can't. So on the rare days that it's sunny or over 70 degrees, they make the most of it. But I couldn't even hardly bring myself to do it there. And why is sitting around outside more virtuous than sitting around inside? Why does enjoying the outdoors make you a better person? 'Cause you're in tune with nature? I don't think so. It's like those people who think I'm the spawn of the devil because I don't wake up before noon if I don't have to. Or people who canonize The Country, as if living in a city is something one has to do rather than something one wants to do. I've lived in a tiny town in the middle of nowhere and I can tell you, I'll never leave a city again. You know why? Because in a city, there are way more kinds of places to be inside. Bars, movie theaters, restaurants, friends' houses, etc. My body has even begun reacting against the outdoors. At 27, I suddenly "got" allergies. For the past year, I can't step a foot outside of a city (with its sinus-friendly pollution) without my stashes of pills and nasal sprays. My body is telling me what my heart always knew. I like it inside, where comfortable couches, good books, digital cable, AC and/or central heating, and Diet Pepsi reside. Yes, I'm spoiled. Yes, I'm privileged. So?