i was just silently lamenting the loss of my really cute and soft pink knit hat that i bought to keep my head cozy this winter when i realized that i'm becoming more absent-minded and that this is a really good thing. so i got this hat in december and i had lost it by january 'cause i was not paying attention and dropped it while i was browsing the aisles in walgreens. *sigh* i miss walgreens. boots just isn't the same. anyway, i was taking a second go 'round of the aisles to make sure i didn't miss anything and all of a sudden i realized that the hat was not in my hand anymore. i then checked all the aisles and-nothing! then i couldn't really remember when i had it last but i must have had it on outside before i went IN to the store but...oh well, it's gone. and as i was lying in bed, thinking about how cute the brak pin i want to buy would look on the pink hat i don't got anymore, i realized that i lost it 'cause i don't care anymore! or more accurately don't care too much. see, time was i would be so nervous and worried about how i looked and what random people passing me on the street (or in the aisles) thought of me that there was NO WAY i would have been not paying attention and dropped my hat. actually, i never would have worn a hat on my head no matter how cold it was 'cause i would have messed up my hair. sounds vain, huh? nope. self-centered in the opposite way. i thought that if my hair was sticking up or staticky it would draw attention to me and that was undesirable. no attention please, especially if it means you might laugh at me! but see, i'm better now!!

i had been musing on my increasing absent-mindedness (i forget names, plans to meet people-you know normal forgetting stuff which never would have happened ten years ago 'cause i was so obsessive about remembering details in case someone might think i was a bad person if i didn't remember their mom's boss's name or something) and i had started to attribute it to excessive drug use. but my current situation has me drug free for months, so i'm thinking that isn't it. hey boys and girls! i might actually be growing as a person!