Cool grandma


There is hope.

So here's the lowdown on my Grandma Georgya. She swims every morning at the beach or her building's pool. Then she reads all day. Then she watches TV all night. That's her life. Doesn't it sound like the best life ever? I think so. She rarely talks to anyone all day. Her phone never rings. She doesn't have to deal with entertaining or people being offended that she didn't call them or whatever. She has a few friends but they are usually only there for "the season," which is winter. She just sits in her chair and smokes her Salems. Oh. And she coughs. All the time. This is fifty years of smoking folks. That was the only problem she has, as far as I could see. She wakes up in the middle of the night to cough. It was brutal, man. She'd be in the middle of talking, or just sitting there, or eating or something and then this coughing fit would come over her for like, five minutes straight. But, you know, I don't smoke 40 cigarettes a day, so I'm still hoping for her life when I'm 78. She drives faster than my dad, and she races sports cars when the light turns green. She doesn't own a skirt or a pair of pants, just shorts; and walks around her house all day in just a t-shirt and her underwear. She's totally slim still so that's not as gross as it sounds. She's got a perfect tan and still wears lipstick. And when we went out to dinner and I tried a Hawaiian margarita, she was like "Sure, why not?" and had one too. Obviously, she's the shit. But her crowning glory had to be the remark she made when we were watching That's Entertainment. She said something about Fred Astaire being so graceful even when he was walking and she finished with "you know, like Ricky Martin." Enough said.

***

Ooooh, I saw Head of State. Hi-larious. I love Chris Rock. I highly recommend it.

***

Dude. Two weeks 'til Springsteen in Milwaukee. Woo-hoo! I'm so psyched. And me and D (the other brother) are going together and then going over to Whitewater to hang with P Doody. One of P's friends is turning 21 and we'll hit the bars around midnight to buy him enough shots to keep him puking until the middle of the next week. Should be a good time. Me and Snap hung out last night and P was supposed to go out with us but the cock knocker never showed up. So much for him coming home this weekend just to see me. Humph.

***

I'm calling my former place of employment tomorrow to see if they still want to give me my old job back. I'm a little nervous. I didn't make up a resume or anything and I'm not sure if I actually have to like "re-interview" or whatever but I'm not sure what to do. I keep getting myself into these kinds of situations that have no precedent and so I'm not sure what the correct behavior is. I'm such a wienie. Plus, I'm fat and I have to try to curb my sugar intake. I'm not going on a diet but if I keep mainlining chocolate, I won't be able to fit into any of my clothes. And since I have no formal income as of yet, clothes shopping is not in the forseeable future.

before -- after





Terror Alert Level

� miss any?
Good bye. - March 12, 2006
2006 - January 10, 2006
I'm damn smart. The internet says so. - December 22, 2005
Rape. - December 09, 2005
Scatterbrain. - November 28, 2005

written on September 14, 2003 at 6:29 p.m.
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