I have a question. You how in, like, pop psycho-babble and bad Sandra Bullock movies people are always defining insanity as doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result? Does that mean that, because I go on interview after interview after goddamned interview, I'm insane? Because, actually, that would help. Enormously.

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My birthday is tomorrow. I'm going to be 29. No, seriously. My birthday used to my favorite holiday, bar none. I used to consider it a national holiday. I would annoy anyone in contact with me for at least a month with a countdown. Really. Up until last year. I had my own birthday parties at my parents' house until I was 18. None of the other kids in my family even had any in high school, I think. I loved that there was this ready made excuse for people to pay attention to you. You didn't have to actually do anything except somehow let it slip that you had been born on this day, so many years ago. People had to pretend to like you and lots of people would give you presents. This was tied with birthday cake as the best part about it. I even made a list every year to make sure I got good presents. This year, well, I don't feel very festive. Not just because I'm 29 and a little unsure of what I'm doing with my life. But also, a little more specifically, the fact that I'm unemployed and feeling useless. I know it was a little naive to think that I would have no problem getting a job. But my optimism and the certainty that I'll get a job at all are starting to wane. I don't even have unemployment payments to get me through it. I'd like the feeling of living off the government; you know, being a slacker and sticking it to the man and shit. It would at least get me some satisfaction (and some money). I wish I was in Ireland or England, where they have the dole. But no, I decided to leave my last job and now I have no reason to whine. Except that I really, really want to.

Me and my family are going out to dinner for the birthday tomorrow night. And then we're going to Minnesota to watch P Doody wrestle this weekend. My mom's fam is going to be there too, which is cool since I missed the reunion this summer and haven't seen them in over a year. I have no money and haven't been out properly in yonks. I've done next to nothing social and I'm starting to think I've forgotten how to, like, interact with people. Hopefully this weekend will help me return to the land of the living.